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"NOLA machine shirts are rad. I love the feel of a quality shirt. They're next level brand and comfy enough to wear to church or a bar fight with pool cues and broken bottles. I dig my shirt. It's lit." - Thomas Jefferson

"There was battle raging all around me. Bullets, the cries of my men falling under the brave hand of the Cheyenne. Oh how I longed for home and the golden fields of Ohio. I had largely underestimated my foe. I was an asshole and I was soon to pay the price for such assholism. As I lay in that mud, and in my final moments, I thought not only of my family or of my deeds. I yearned for the tri-blend, next level shirt that Margaret  was saving as a homecoming gift. Then I died. Don't make the mistake I made. Procure that sacred relic before the darkness cometh." - George A. Custer

"There is this seedy bar in the French Quarter. I can't say the name on this website because of copyright infringement or something. Anyway, there was cocaine. I saw this toddler with a bitchin' T-shirt in the corner of the bar. I thought it was from He said it wasn't." 

- Jennifer.

"There is a big misconception here. We weren't abducting humans to perform so called scientific "experiments" or inserting [redacted] probes. In truth, the irony and provocative designs they were wearing were neat. We just wanted some for the family back home. Also, we shot a laser beam at Custer during the battle of Little Big Horn and smoked him. He was an asshole"

-  Admiral 𐎸🝛 𐎸 ⲉłⳕᛰ of the research vessel 𓄽𐊔𐎸𐑎 𐎸 𒔲⿴ꮤ 🝛𓂊ł฿ꮤ.

"Jeffrey Epstein didn't hill himself but he was found wearing some cool shirt from NOLAMachine. We had to change it when we brought out his body. I gave it to my girlfriend's mom. We aren't together anymore. I saw her wearing it on the gram. It still looks great on her."

- Lolz. Do you really think I would give my name?

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